


Broken

by Blasketgrl



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 06:24:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6600256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blasketgrl/pseuds/Blasketgrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver and she are over.</p><p>Laurel is dead.</p><p>Felicity has lost the ability to cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

Felicity was the master at compartmentalization. She spent her life packing painful pieces away in small boxes in her brain and focussing resolutely on being productive. 

Which is why now, she just felt broken. 

Walking away from Oliver was difficult, but she did what she knew she needed to do to be healthy in the long run. So she worked hard during the day, planned to work hard with the team at night and allowed herself the short commute to vent the ugly sobs that came with acknowledging the pain of the breakup. 

She had been surprised at first. She hadn’t expected the physical pain, or the feeling like there was a hole in her chest the size of a volleyball. She had heard about people having a hole in their heart, had referenced the word heartbroken, but until she realized that Oliver couldn’t treat her as a real partner in life, until that agonizing betrayal, she never knew it was real; emotional pain made physical.

Yet she had managed. Even going along with the clusterfuck of a fake wedding and having to listen to Oliver’s heart-wrenching hope. She was still able to unflinchingly defend love. But his inability to hear what she was telling him (over, over, over) let her know that she couldn’t be part of the team anymore. It was breakup number two. Further cause for compartmentalization. And she had done it well enough that by the time she spoke with Thea she had found a different way forward in using the company’s resources to help others.

Damn she was good. She even managed to keep reminders of Oliver around. To see them together in happier times. Because she didn’t believe in regrets; they don’t move you forward. She loved Oliver. Last summer always felt a bit like a stolen life. There was maybe a part of her that knew it had an expiration date. 

So. No bitterness for her. Happy! couples? Good for them! Love songs on the radio? Bring it, Adele! Hugging Oliver when she saw him in the hospital? The only natural reaction to the look of pain on his face.

She was fine.

Then Laurel died.

Then Laurel died in front of them.

And something shifted. 

She had never been angry at Oliver. She was disappointed, and of course heartbroken. But it didn’t diminish how she felt about him. Didn’t make her want to lash out. 

After the numb feeling wore off, after they fractured and quietly retreated that night, she lay in her bed staring at the ceiling until her alarm went off. During that quiet night, replaying Laurel’s last few minutes, careening from relief from disbelief to something raw and undefinable, Felicity lost her Zen.

She couldn’t put Laurel in a box. No, that was for the funeral home to do. Putting her in a box had been Damien Darhk’s doing. And Felicity found that one very specific fact made her angry. 

But she wasn’t good at angry. Anger made Oliver focus. Anger made Thea lethal.

Anger made her throw her coffee cup against the wall because when her hands shook, the coffee cup tipped and spilled coffee on her. So clearly it had to be punished. 

Anger made her snap at Curtis who had asked her what was wrong. She couldn’t tell him, but he came back after he caught the news on his feed. He said nothing, just came up and hugged her. The anger made her stiff and unyielding, unwilling to be swayed by his, “I’m sorry”.

Anger made her ignore her mother’s attempts to contact her about the plans for the funeral, so she decided to blame anger for ending up riding in the back of a limo with Oliver. 

And anger, ultimately, led her back to the team. Because underlying the anger was the fear that if she had been with the team on com’s that night, things might have gone differently. Laurel might still be alive. 

Thankfully, anger helped keep her from examining that thought too closely. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> First fic ever.
> 
> Ripping off the band aid.


End file.
